It felt so good to be back partnering with the horses and doing group work! There is often a theme that arises when working with groups and last Saturday it was healthy boundaries.
If we don’t have them, we teach others they don’t have to respect us. If we don’t teach our children healthy boundaries, what happens? If we don’t teach that new puppy boundaries you have an unruly dog who messes in the house and worse. If I don’t teach my horses my boundaries it can be dangerous. Sound familiar?
In order to set boundaries, we first have to know who we are and what we want and don’t want. We need to believe we are worthy of setting boundaries or saying “no”, or “not now” or “let me think about this”. Far too often we are afraid to set a boundary in fear of hurting another person, or in fear they will … you fill in the blank. What follows is we tolerate the actions or behaviors of others, we compromise our own desires and feelings and end up feeling resentful, hurt, less-than and in relationships that are not healthy.
When working with people, most often women, about setting boundaries, it usually begins like this: “I am sorry…” “I think…” “Well you know…” Um, do you think we can…” “Would you be okay with….” “Can I…” It’s the asking of the other if it’s okay with them to set a boundary with them. The first tip toe into the boundary is asking the other if it’s okay. I get it. It can be scary! I have been there!
What can you do?
- What do you really want in a situation?
- How to you WANT to feel?
- Practice! Visualize setting your boundary. Look in the mirror and practice the boundary you really want to set.
- Ask yourself if you are really willing to have the consequences of not setting that boundary.
- Remember that NO is a complete sentence and you can say it firmly and kindly!
- Remember that healthy boundaries are part of self-care. You are worth it!
- Remember healthy boundaries teach others how to respect you. If someone leaves because you set a boundary, they probably are not in the healthy relationship category and that is not about you!
We would love to support you on your journey!
Join us and break free!