I was listening to a podcast about people pleasing the other day. The host was sharing a long list of signs and behaviors of a people pleaser. As a recovering fixer, people-pleaser and rescuer, I am quite familiar with the signs and behaviors, as well as the internal fears and challenges that come along with being a pleaser – including attracting relationships that are on the toxic side.
Perhaps you are familiar with some of the signs also:
- Being a savior to everyone except ourselves.
- Taking on too much responsibility.
- Feeling selfish or guilty if we take care of ourselves.
- Operating out of a sense of obligation.
- Taking responsibility for the feelings of others.
- Over apologizing.
- Agreeing with others without having our own opinions.
- Hiding our true feelings.
- Avoiding conflict.
- Unable to say no or set boundaries.
- And the list goes on….
The strategy behind people pleasing is most often birthed in childhood. Whether it was modeled for us or a learned strategy to survive a difficult life, we did not develop a healthy sense of self-worth.
My own journey of healing and recovery from these strategies and behaviors has resulted in a much happier and healthier me. While I still watch myself because people pleasing can subtly sneak in, I am proud of where I am and in being able to support others along their path of recovery.
There was one other sign the podcast host mentioned that I had not considered previously that caught my attention. Never-ending To-Do lists! Yikes! This one has me reflecting. Are my never ending to do lists from feeling like there are things I “should” be doing? Things that if I did, I would feel worthy? I am taking a good look at my lists and asking myself some hard questions. What would be a people pleasing trap for me would be if there are things on my list that involve others and feels like a self-imposed obligation or a “should” that I truly do not want to do or do not have the time to do. So far, I am in the clear!
What about you? Do you find yourself people pleasing at the expense of your own well-being?
Change is possible and guess what?
Taking care of you first is NOT SELFISHNESS!
I would love to hear from you! What is familiar to you?
In joy & possibilities,
Brenda & the herd